Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
