Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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