So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
