no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
