We named our party play list daddy issues
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
