omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just tell him i said nine months
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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