Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
