it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
