Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
