so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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