He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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