I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
