He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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