you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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