Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
