if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize