I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
