I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
