I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
