We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
