just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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