if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think i just lost a toe
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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