The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
