oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
