So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
