The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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