You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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