My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
