the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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