xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize