Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
