Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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