i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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