I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
