i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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