the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
