You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
