Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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