ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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