Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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