I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
