You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wear drunk well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize