and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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