My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
