Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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