Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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