Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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