just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
