dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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