Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
