i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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