There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
