I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
