My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
