I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
