Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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