I wish I could teleport
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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