Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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