GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
