Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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