Yo dont text me then not text me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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