I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
