I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize